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I'm coming out.
Sep. 27th, 2024 06:37 pmFall is everyone's favorite season, but I'm sorry, I do not like fall.
I wish I did. There's really nothing wrong with it. Kiddo is back in school, which is great for my schedule. The weather is mostly lovely, at least at the beginning. Most people are in a good mood. There's gourds and shit. I can start drinking hot coffee again, which is my preferred coffee temperature.
And yet, it just makes me want to die. I get so depressed every fall. Everyone else starts getting all cozy sweater and pumpkin spice and halloween excited and I begin a spiral into sadness. I'm a Leo. I'm just a summer girl. Which is funny because I also do not like shorts, or swimming. But I like sun.
This year, I have promised myself to try and Embrace Fall. Now that the COVID is gone, I'm trying to get outside regularly. Not let the impending doom of winter color my mood when it's not even here yet. I really, really need to learn how to not allow my dread of the future to overly impact the present. The future being winter.
Yes, I know, I moved to Seattle and I made that choice. I also used to live in Chicago and other places in the midwest, so it's not like I'm unfamiliar with winter as a concept.
In other news, I think I need to do a busy-ness detox. I need to quit the PTA next year. I am such a fucking volunteer. I like this about myself but like, I cannot stop. My dad was really involved in stuff when I was a kid (neighborhood association, soccer coach, etc.) and I always loved this about him, maybe especially because my mom never did anything. I have a strong sense of civic duty and also firmly believe in being the change you want to see etc. Esp when you have to deal with the shit show that is Seattle Public Schools. But like, I do not know how to relax. Every waking moment I am checking on our fundraiser, troubleshooting member problems, helping the new president with this or that (I was President last year.) I really enjoy it, so it's not all bad, but I just get in this habit where I don't have time for the things I want to do and get addicted to the busyness.
I think this also stems from social anxiety to a certain extent. At an event, if you are one of the people in charge, there is very little social pressure because you are always doing something for the event, so you are always busy. There is a built in social component because people will come to you instead of you waiting to be approached, but it is one where you have the power and where you can end it at any time (oops, gotta check on the snack table!) I think I lean on this too much instead of actually getting to know people. It's a coping mechanism.
So honestly I think there are ways in which it will be harder to quit this stuff because it means I will have to actually like, converse, which I am exceedingly bad at.
I wish I did. There's really nothing wrong with it. Kiddo is back in school, which is great for my schedule. The weather is mostly lovely, at least at the beginning. Most people are in a good mood. There's gourds and shit. I can start drinking hot coffee again, which is my preferred coffee temperature.
And yet, it just makes me want to die. I get so depressed every fall. Everyone else starts getting all cozy sweater and pumpkin spice and halloween excited and I begin a spiral into sadness. I'm a Leo. I'm just a summer girl. Which is funny because I also do not like shorts, or swimming. But I like sun.
This year, I have promised myself to try and Embrace Fall. Now that the COVID is gone, I'm trying to get outside regularly. Not let the impending doom of winter color my mood when it's not even here yet. I really, really need to learn how to not allow my dread of the future to overly impact the present. The future being winter.
Yes, I know, I moved to Seattle and I made that choice. I also used to live in Chicago and other places in the midwest, so it's not like I'm unfamiliar with winter as a concept.
In other news, I think I need to do a busy-ness detox. I need to quit the PTA next year. I am such a fucking volunteer. I like this about myself but like, I cannot stop. My dad was really involved in stuff when I was a kid (neighborhood association, soccer coach, etc.) and I always loved this about him, maybe especially because my mom never did anything. I have a strong sense of civic duty and also firmly believe in being the change you want to see etc. Esp when you have to deal with the shit show that is Seattle Public Schools. But like, I do not know how to relax. Every waking moment I am checking on our fundraiser, troubleshooting member problems, helping the new president with this or that (I was President last year.) I really enjoy it, so it's not all bad, but I just get in this habit where I don't have time for the things I want to do and get addicted to the busyness.
I think this also stems from social anxiety to a certain extent. At an event, if you are one of the people in charge, there is very little social pressure because you are always doing something for the event, so you are always busy. There is a built in social component because people will come to you instead of you waiting to be approached, but it is one where you have the power and where you can end it at any time (oops, gotta check on the snack table!) I think I lean on this too much instead of actually getting to know people. It's a coping mechanism.
So honestly I think there are ways in which it will be harder to quit this stuff because it means I will have to actually like, converse, which I am exceedingly bad at.
